Memorial Drive

There are many topics which are universal across humanity because certain things will be experienced by everyone in some capacity. Death is definitely one such topic. In the memoir Memorial Drive, Natasha Tretheway recalls the murder of her mother and its impact on her life. The most poignant part of this memoir was the transcript of her mother's last conversations because of the insight it provides into the world of domestic violence.

Tretheway writes about the way she repressed the memories around her mother's murder and says that she left behind her old self the day she last was in the apartment they shared. Her mother was killed when she was 19 and in college, so this is true both figuratively and literally. The author was in the process of creating her life so yes she did leave behind her old self in the wake of the trauma. People process trauma differently and imagining losing a parent under the circumstance as described can be more than a catalyst for her actions. Because of the traumatic event Tretheway becomes a new person. She does not give herself the proper allowance for grief and moves forward through life surviving while suppressing her memories which led up to her mother's murder. To Tretheway all of this time leading to her mother's murder and the person who spent that time were gone. After 20 years of avoiding the place and facts, physically and emotionally it became time to address her feelings. This is ultimately what led her to write the book.

The book chronicles Tretheway's life from early childhood until she turns 19. She starts off with the happy times and memories in Mississippi then goes on to the "lost years" in Atlanta. These years are lost to Tretheway because she and her mother begin to lose touch with one another because of her mother's love interest her new husband. The author writes about the torture she endures so her mother can be "happy" and that their relationship becomes so estranged that her mother hides an important truth from her. In chapter 13 Tretheway shares transcripts of her mother's last conversations with her then ex-husband. The conversations she had with him leading up to his murder of her. These conversations read like a textbook case of domestic violence. There is nowhere to expect the "story" to go but to murder reading the words between the two of them. Big Joe, as Tretheway calls her stepfather, speaks with desperation, depravity, and determination in those calls. He blames Gwendolyn, Tretheway's mother, for his shortcomings. He blames her for his abuse toward her. He also tries to reconcile, and offer a peaceful path to what he wants. When he does not get the answer or results that he wants he goes back to the subject of killing Ms. Gwendolyn. Tragically, the police fail Ms. Gwendolyn in many ways and she was killed. Even still today the system fails many women although there is ample proof of how dangerous these situations can be. Those words as reported in that chapter are chilling. To know this was the last thing she heard, these were the last conversations she had, and that she was hearing this type of talk daily is saddening and heartbreaking.

I read Memorial Drive for personal reasons and I was not disappointed. I had no intention of writing about the book because I'm working on other things but it's timely considering October is also domestic violence awareness month. Domestic violence is more prevalent in American society than people like to admit. The abuse can be physical, emotional, financial, or all of the above. The abuse also does not stop at one person. Although one person may receive the direct blows, there is always blowback that spreads to the rest of the family. Unfortunately, people suffer in silence until they get the strength and support to get away. Yet others never get that chance and are murdered before they can get away. This is a very real example of how these situations end. There is always hope that things will be better for people and that they can find help, but in reality very few do have help. In this case Ms. Gwendolyn took all of the steps available to her and that still did not save her life. During this pandemic there are countless people who may be trapped in their situation with their abuser. They cannot find a way out and the abuse may be escalating. People please keep an eye out for your neighbors.

I recommend reading the memoir to get the whole story and to read the author's journey to healing. It provides a look into a Black family unit and the impact of the and abuse as time passes. The transcript of the calls between Ms. Gwendolyn and Big Joe should be read, remembered, and taken as a warning. These are the same conversations being had everyday all over this country. If someone tells you about a conversation they had, or if you are in any such one, please take it seriously. Death may be closer than you think and that is not hyperbole.