Language Barriers

So I am a firm believer in people having ownership of their “stories” and that one does not have the right to impose, change, or spread someone else’s story/truth. That being said, over the last few weeks there have been many people talking about other people’s sexuality and gender identities. Sure this has been an on-going theme since the beginning of time but it was brought to light again with Dave Chappelle’s Sticks and Stones special, then the story was further projected into social discussion because of an Instagram post made by actor Malik Yoba and then further discussed on the Breakfast Club with DJ Envy and Charlemagne, the Lil' Nas X's The Shop talk, Mayor Pete Buttigieg, and most recently Always brand feminine products joined the discussion along with countless others. I feel as a straight black woman, I don’t really have a dog in this fight except to try to understand and respect others when I am told I am wrong or out of line and to proceed from there. From all of these aforementioned interviews, other interviews/panels, and articles posted regarding different issues; I can say I have gained a bit of insight into the discussion. I think I have a better understanding allowing me to proceed accordingly, meaning as one who can do better because I know a little bit better.

One of the things I think I better understand is that there are different issues in the whole discussion but somehow the main issues have been combined. Two of the issues seem to be gender identity and sexual orientation and that they are independent of one another. First addressing the gender identity topic, that is where trans-, a-, etc. gender identity is relevant. The gender identity can match the genitalia or the identity does not match the genitalia. The way some people understand gender is based on physical attributes and to some this is not the case. So the transgender or non-cis individual does not identify with the parts with which they are born and identify differently and want to be identified by others to match with what they identify. This is where identifying pronouns and things come into play. Do you address someone based on their appearance? Do you just ask everyone? Or do you just ask for a name and avoid pronouns altogether? The overwhelming answer seems to be ask if you are unsure and proceed from there.

The other topic is the age old question of people being concerned with who lays with who. This is the sexual orientation part. So this is homosexual, bi-sexual, heterosexual, and any others which I know I am missing. This is how someone declares their attractions and desires. This too has typically been associated with gender but we are learning that is no longer the case. Just because someone identifies as a particular gender, that does not dictate to whom that person is attracted although some people think it does/should. Sexual orientation is personal and none of anyone’s business. This only becomes someone else’s business when it is dangerous behavior (can be straight/gay/bi/any type of recklessness) and it can cause harm to someone else. One does not have the right to engage in behavior which is likely to harm themselves, and then they cause the same harm to another unwilling participant. If everyone involved is a consenting adult and everyone is fine with whatever consequences they may face, then people who are not involved do not and should not have a say in what goes on. And should not go on casting judgment onto others.

Even in watching these interviews, I realize there is still discourse because everyone has different experiences and demands. Just like any other social issue, this one includes individual members of the LGBTQ+ community and they want to be treated as such. Some people like to be called a certain thing and others may not subscribe to the same ideas even if their facts are the same. Overall, it just seems that people outside of the "community" can act respectfully by addressing one another by name and respecting any constructive criticism and requests. While I am willing to be corrected I do think that it is necessary for me to be allowed the chance to be corrected and not persecuted and hanged for making a mistake especially unknowingly. I want to be respectful and inclusive, so tell me/teach me how to be.

So this is my understanding and I could be way off, to which I am open to accept someone’s correction. It really shouldn’t be a concern of anyone’s regarding who is sleeping with who. And if the way one presents themselves to the world is different from what they identify, then it is important for people to be given the opportunity to make a correction and proceed accordingly. As I previously stated, to each their own...just give me the opportunity to learn when I offend you and I will take it as a learning experience. Since we are currently finding the language to even discuss these topics it is only fair to acknowledge there will be hella mistakes along the way, but let’s fix them together. Now the Always pads changing symbols on the wrapper seems to be for show, more of a superficial change. I feel this way because I can say I have not ever noticed a gender symbol on the packaging and that's because I know I need them and other people who need them have the same issue as myself. Removing the symbol from the packaging does not change the fact that menstruation is occurring. These are female attributes and unfortunately cannot be changed by removing the symbol from the package. So regardless of gender identity biology still continues based on one's biological makeup. I'm supportive of people living how they want, but some things will continue unless there is a more permanent change.

For those involved in the fight, Do you think the combining of the gender identity and sexual orientation topics into one issue, has made the fight harder to fight? Does that clumping together make it harder to have a central message? Is there a central message? All of these questions sound similar to all of the other “fights" that are on the horizon. It also brings to light the cases which were argued to the US Supreme Court in the last few weeks or so. They heard two cases, both regarding whether employers have the right to terminate someone based on sexual orientation or gender identity. The argument is being boiled down to whether current law language includes sexual orientation and gender identity when the word sex is used in the law. So these social issues and legal issues have overlap and implications for everyone. Are you all watching and keeping track? What do you expect to happen? Is the word sex, changed and all- encompassing? Or is the law strictly referring to gender with the word sex? This is a whole other conversation to be explored when the court makes a decision.

To get a bit more insight I read Don't Call Us Dead by Danez Smith. It is a book of poems written from a perspective of a black gay man. The poems cover police encounters, childhood innocence, death, infection, denial, and other topics. This provides a bit of insight into the different and similar truths lived by those who are different from one another. It is a fairly quick read and recommended to give one the opportunity to peer into a life which may be different from your own or representative of your own.

This informative graphic proves I was definitely missing some identities and orientations. Graphic was found at:

https://open.buffer.com/lgbtqia-resources/amp/https://open.buffer.com/lgbtqia-resources/amp/

An article which was published in June was also informative and can be found here: https://www.nytimes.com/2018/06/21/style/lgbtq-gender-language.html

An article from WebMD regarding the recent change announced by Always can be read here: https://www.webmd.com/women/news/20191024/always-removes-female-symbol-from-pad-wrapper