Decorum in Death

Death is an undeniable and unavoidable part of life. It happens to everyone sooner or later and people cannot plan for it beyond providing instructions and insurance for survivors. In our current society it is acceptable to display everything and every part of one's life on social media. EVERYTHING INCLUDING DEATH. In my opinion, I'd like to see less people making a show out of someone's legacy especially when they were not a personal loved one. People should draw a line and follow a set of acceptable actions and rules to dictate proper behavior for people on social media when death occurs. Again in my opinion, It is not acceptable to share details about death on social media beyond an informational purpose. This means no sharing photos, stories, conspiracies, services, or pictures from the services, etc. The family and loved ones are important and it is insensitive to their grieving to post pictures and things when they are still coping with their loss. Let the family(not necessarily those in blood but including those in love) set the tone and proceed accordingly.

When a celebrity dies it is an awkward event because most of the people who are "in mourning" don't actually know the recently deceased person. As a fan, the celebrity represents something to the followers and they have a connection for whatever reason. That reason and bond does not surpass the bonds of the family and friends of the deceased. However,supporters believe the connection they share with the celebrity allows a part of the celebrity to belong to them. Many times the admirers confuse the person and the talent and this is what blurs the line making fans believe that the celebrity is theirs. In death, that possession causes people to do whatever they want with total disregard for the impact of their actions on the family and friends of that celebrity. 2019 and even 2020 has given the public multiple opportunities to experience the loss of a celebrity. Most recently, basketball legend Kobe Bryant died with his daughter and others in a helicopter crash. This unexpected and tragic loss is currently sending all forms of media into a spiral of memories, pictures, tweets, tributes, and segments. All of these pictures, stories, quotes, tweets, posts, etc are spread all over every medium of media. So in this time the family, friends, teammates, mentees, and acquaintances have nowhere to turn to mourn their loss without other people and entities projecting their "loss" on those closest to him and Gianna. It is understandable that the unexpected and devastating loss has shaken everyone at their core because there is no way to deny how terrible and tragic this is. In this time while everyone else is just trying to understand and come to grips with it, there is an actual family and plethora of friends who are feeling the "same" thing but at a level of a million times deeper and actually valid in such. This is not said to say no one should say anything, because that is unrealistic or that fans cannot be mourners. Instead make a post and send condolences, leave a quote, leave your response, or something to the sort. In this event there were many people who did those very things and no one thinks anything negative about it. The pictures and sharing of unconfirmed reports has the potential to hit those closest to the situation in ways that cannot be fixed. Whatever the public adds to the atmosphere the family has the opportunity to consume and it can further complicate the process of trying to grieve. A celebrity death has different elements and is complicated by the impact felt on so many other people. When a friend or family member who is not a celebrity dies, it is the same, but a little less overwhelming.

The death of a loved one is utterly overwhelming and is not less complicated solely because of fame and stature but because of the number of people who are involved/impacted. The same feelings and concerns are involved when a loved one dies but on a smaller scale because all of the friends and family have their individual reactions and many include social media posts. This has the same effect as when celebrities die because people in the mourners circle start to share their stories, pictures, and events never minding the potential impact on the closest loved ones. Those not closest to the deceased should allow those closest to the deceased to dictate what is appropriate. If the closest people decide to put out a barrage of pictures, stories, and quotes, then proceed accordingly. If those loved ones decide against public posts, they send private messages, and seem to need some time and space, then it's not cool as a friend or acquaintance to post videos, pictures, and memories as that may complicate the grieving process for those closer individuals. In the passed couple of years my family has experienced quite a bit of loss ranging from individuals closest to me to someone I really didn't get to know. In each scenario, I had the same public response which was none even when I lost my number one person. I did not choose to avoid public posts because I didn't care, but instead because I cared to get the grieving process done in my own time and pace. In each scenario I was witness to acquaintances doing more on a public scale than the immediate loved ones(not always family). It deserves to be said again that the deceased individual(s) do(es) not belong to anyone but the strongest bond typically means a harder path to grieve. Grieving is hard enough without outside influences, but it seems people don't think about the effect of their actions and voluntarily complicate loved ones finding some sort of peace. Again if the deceased and loved ones were public and set a tone that public displays are acceptable then post whatever you want but if that is not what they do then please don't. Outside of overstepping boundaries particularly at the time of death there are other things to try to avoid. Please please don't post any pictures from the service or of the body without the consent of the loved ones. Don't spread gossip(unconfirmed rumors which may or may not be true) and accusations, as this reflects more on your own character than that of the deceased because the deceased is not alive to defend themselves so there is no need to throw around narratives, for a story that's already over. Make sure to be responsible in your actions during said times because emotions are at their most fragile state.

In our current society there are so many things that seem to lack structure and overall politeness. It is true that people can respectfully disagree and the world will not end despite popular opinion. When someone dies be responsible and take the time to think about making public posts and its potential impact on the closest loved ones. Follow the lead of the family and friends as a show of support and well wishes instead of seemingly creating a competition of what that deceased person meant to you versus them. Again, this is my opinion based on my personal experiences and observations. Feel free to comment and share your thoughts! Be kind and be happy!