2019 You Were So Mean

At the end of the year we have the tendency to reflect on the passed year and sum it up. Well 2019 was definitely not a great year for my family and me. This year, my sisters and I lost our father, then our uncle who was our father's baby brother, our father's best friend, some family secrets/scandals, and health scares. Through all of this we were still blessed to see the end of the year. Besides the 365 blessings of being awaken everyday with our health, mental bearings, and (mostly) one another, there is not much else that I can say was a disappointment. Even in those disappointments and challenges there were still lessons to learn and some positive outcomes. That's really about all I'd like to say at this time about those personal challenges. This post is to highlight those material and superficial disappointments of the year. Things I wished I didn't buy, movies I watched against my best judgment, and other things in those categories.

I purchased the Clarisonic Mia Smart connected beauty device/face scrubber with the Mario Bandeau products. I will start by saying I was disappointed for a couple of reasons. First the value of the item was non-existent. I spent over $100 on the item based on reviews and expectations. I watched a few reviews and the "influencers" raved about the product. How great it was for their skin, how it felt really good on the skin, their skin is now so smooth and they felt like it provided a deeper clean, etc. None of that applied to me. I justified getting this one over the Neutrogena brand one because I was experiencing breakouts from oil in my skin from my hair. I felt that I needed a deeper clean and based on the reviews I thought this would do. First, I didn't like that the facial cleanser did not have a lather on my face although this is not really a fault of the device it is still a point. The head on the device is not scrubby, it's more like a soft towel. I guess you are supposed to be gentle on your skin, but I get a better scrub with my hands and a good exfoliate scrub. I also don't like that I am now required to purchase replacement heads for this device with which I am unsatisfied. It does say you can buy attachment for make-up application, but I barely wear makeup so no need for me to purchase that. Also the device is supposed to be connected, but I really don't see a purpose in having a smart face scrubber. Needless to say I wish I would've returned it, but I didn't so it is now here at home barely being used. My breakout did clear up but only after I changed the oil I put in my hair.

This year had it's share of movies where black people were in charge and in important roles for decision making, such as Queen and Slim, Harriet, Us, and The Way They See Us (mini-series). I watched most of these and out of them all US was a great disappointment. At one point in the movie I exclaimed, "This sh*t's trash." Now if you know me, you know I rarely curse, but this movie brought it out of me. Jordan Peele has a following of people who will acclaim his work and develop these theories which are far beyond my comprehension of art, film, and creativity. I am not ashamed and I do not think if I were on their same level it would change my opinion of the movie. I just did not like the movie. It was long, it did not mesh together well, it was just not for my taste. I do not take anything away from Jordan's accomplishments, all black people do not think alike so it is not a crime for me to express my dislike of the film. Unfortunately I will probably still support any future works even though I am not Jordan Peele's target audience. I look at Peele's work as Alfred Hitchcock work. It's suggestive, quiet, implied, and artsy. So clearly there is brilliance there, it's not just for entertainment it's supposed to be consumed and cause terror from all over. Even with this understanding, I am still not a fan and still disappointed with the movie US. I did love the black ass family though.

Outside of visual arts, I read the book, The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom and was yet again disappointed. The book has a great concept of how Heaven works. In the book Albom depicts Heaven as a collection of meetings the recently deceased has with five people who were impacted by the deceased and who had an impact on the deceased. The people may or may not be known by the deceased. I found that to be pretty interesting, and I was all in to that point. I found the concept itself ro be satisfying and it can very well be a Heaven for some. The problem I have with the book is the ending. I find it hard to believe that the main character's final person/lesson was such an important and fulfilling concept in the way the book was written. I find it hard to accept and that all of the build-up in the story fell so flat on this ending. While reading the story and getting to "know" the character through his life, I find it hard to believe that his last lesson/person was worth the wait. I feel like the lesson was definitely shared with him in his life and also showed to him throughout his life. I mean the story was still good and I enjoyed the interpretation. I just hated the ending. Also I think the book fell short of expectations because it was recommended to me by a colleague. I respect this person's opinions and this time the recommendation fell short. This year that is certainly a lesson I learned. Take people's recommendations but do not let it set my expectations and this applies in all aspects.

Musically, I was disappointed in Summertime Shootout 3. I was soooo excited to get the final installment but when it came on black Friday, I was saddened because it didn't follow the same format and the songs were much more in the space of any other rap song that was out. It was not authentic to the Summertime Shootout hype or the followers. I could just be biased and I am sure there are people who are certainly in disagreement with my feelings and that's fine because this is a list of things which were disappointing to me in 2019. The project feels like it came from a different space which is expected because people grow and evolve, so I am not even sure it is fair to say it was a disappointment because it was different. So I guess I'll say it is a disappointment because it did not live up to its expectations. Again, those expectations let me down. I still don't think it was a project for me even under a different name.

Personally, I was disappointed with my lackluster efforts to go to church and my husband's birthday trip. In 2019 my son turned two so my husband and I thought it was time enough to be able to take him and he could sit still for the two hours or so. Unfortunately it has not been the fault of my son just my husband and I. We have not gotten back into the normal routine and become regular attendees again. There is also a lot going on with the church at this time which make it a little confusing as well. In 2020 hopefully things will change and we can make it to church on a regular basis. Now my husband's birthday celebration was supposed to be a family trip on a cruise to Key West, Cuba, and Cozumel. However on Tuesday of the week of our departure, the current administration decided to stop tourism to Cuba under pretty much all circumstances. This made our whole first cruise experience completely different from what it was supposed to be and robbed us of memories we were supposed to make. (I can go on about many other disappointments and issues which have directly impacted me by this administration, but I will reserve that for another day and time). There was last minute changes and settling, but we still went on our first cruise as a smaller family. The first cruise was pretty cool and we have another one booked at this time, so we still made some memories, but not the ones we wanted.

In all, 2019 was a collection of disappointments based on expectations which were too high. I will not lower my expectations moving forward, but I will be more cognizant of what I can control in situations. Not allowing myself to be invested in those things which have no impact on my family. Here's to disappointments being a part of life and triumph coming shortly after. New Year blessings to you all!